if tl;dr applies to you, it's all good, i'll keep this first part short for you and just say bye.

things for me as most of you know aren't going well, i haven't told many people about the situation yet because i know that people don't like drama. so i'll try to keep it short, but remember that this whole situation is pretty much the result of my mistakes, things i shouldn't have been doing, things i neglected to do, things i took for granted, and so forth, so there's no need to really feel bad about it because it was pretty much my fault. i'm just letting everyone know that Friday will be my last time coming online in a really long time, at first i thought maybe a few months, but it'll probably be longer than that.

pretty much a summary of it is this: i'm being kicked out of my apartment and i have to find a new one because of trouble with a neighbor. he was kicked out then, i was given 30 days to move out all my stuff. that 30 day notice was given about 2 weeks ago, and i was fired from my job about a week and a half ago. i just yesterday had an interview and was hired at capital removal, which is basically like labor, where i have to work tearing up old buildings and transporting the debris to a dump site, 8 hours a day, 6 days a week. so you could say that the amount of time i have to go online will be stripped away pretty much completely, the only reason i've been able to do so much online recently was because i was fired from my last job. coming friday, if i'm not working then i have to be out looking for a place to move, which is going to be a bitch because i just got evicted. so i figure this: either get my shit together, or continue doing this and end up homeless with no where to keep my shit. my financial problems are another concern of mine, there's no need for me to tell you how i got into so much debt, you already know for the most part. which is really upsetting to me because alot of you told me to take it easy on it, i didn't listen, and now i'm in debt. instead of saving the extra money from my paychecks each month, i spent it, and when situations that require money arose, i wasn't prepared because i smoked all my money away. so i have to quit pot too, which sucks because it wasn't completely for recreational fun, i have problems with my spine that pot really helped ease the pain and make it easier to move around, and now i can't afford it or even use it anymore because of my new job, i'd end up getting my hand cut off or something if i went to work high like i did at all my other jobs. so now my back is going to constantly be aching once i start working this new job, because i have to constantly be moving the entire eight hour shift, apart from one 30 minute lunchbreak and one ten minute break. which isn't bad for most places, but this is like serious hard ass labor, and it's hella hot over here too. i'll be fucking wore out at the end of the day.

besides, my issues with pot are messing with my life anyway though, yes it's great and all, but too much of it can really screw things up. i've lost my girlfriend because i could never remember the things she'd tell me, i was always high when i talked with her, and i just neglected her for pot for so long that she finally got fed up. i don't blame her or anything, i probably would have done the same, it's just that now is a really complicated time in my life where it seems that things never want to go right, and i used pot as a way to get out of it and enjoy life despite how shitty it was/is. it was pretty much my excuse for everything i fucked up on. the thing that nobody really understood completely about my pot thing is this: i don't really have that great of a life, it's really not that great, and pot was pretty much the main thing that made me happy about it. people sometimes tell me on here how cool or funny i am, or how fun i'd be to hang out with, but to tell the complete truth, i'm actually a really anti social person with horrible people skills. i do talk to people, i am nice and all for the most part, it's just that i never have anything interesting to say and i get nervous talking to people i don't know. i really don't care what they think overall, but it's just something that's hard for me because i was never really around people pretty much my entire teenage years due to being in placement after placement (another long explanation altogether; to sum it up i was kicked out of my aunt's house when i was 12 and put in placement.) so yeah, i pretty much better stop blabbing or else nobody will read this.

i will add one more paragraph to this journal though, i just want to say thank you to everyone who's ever at one point or another supported me, laughed at my shitty jokes, given me advice, left me a comment regardless of what it was, drawn me a gift, put up with my bullshit, or just were there to talk to when i needed to vent and/or just talk in general. thanks for keeping me out of trouble and giving me something more constructive to do with my spare time other than just smoke pot, and i apologize for any people i may have neglected to appreciate more. in all, i will miss coming here, and i will miss you guys. i don't want to get all dramatic with the goodbyes or anything, but really though, this might be the last chance i get to write such a long journal, and the last chance i'll get to say bye. times running out, and i gotta start busting my ass or else i'll lose everything. so, as soon as i'm done getting together the scores for round 1 on the htf forum, which i'm hoping to finish today, i'll be stepping down as host of the tourney and handing the responsibility to the co host, coolkid. i really was looking forward to hosting it, i really shouldn't have taken on the responsibility since i was already in a financial mess and a total wreck altogether, but it wasn't as bad as it is now at the time i was asked and i really wanted to do it. it sucks, but it's something i gotta do.